WHAT IS A DEATH DOULA?

A death doula is someone who advocates for a dying person and their family or loved ones. They are non-medical, emotional, spiritual, and practical support. Death doulas help the dying person to plan and prepare for their death and help to identify what a “good death” means to them, and does their best to make that happen. They help to guide the dying person and their loved ones through navigating the end of life and all of the experiences that go with it. Someone who can answer questions, someone who knows what to expect and can guide a family through the process, before, during, and after death. Someone who is not emotionally involved in the grief who can hold space for the unfolding of the dying process. A calm and grounded presence to provide support.

MY ROLES/SERVICES AS A DEATH DOULA:

• Planning and preparing. Identifying what the dying person needs to do to prepare for their death so they can feel as complete and ready as possible. This includes emotional and practical support of tying up loose ends. Deep reflections about their life, addressing things that feel unfinished, creating meaning and telling their story. This is also a time to consider what a “good death” looks like to them, ideally how they’d like to die and coming up with a plan to make that happen as best as possible. Thinking about what their space looks and feels like, the energy of the room, do they want candles or music playing, a prayer read when they take their last breath, who do they want to be there, etc. Writing advance care directives and medical preferences, funeral or memorial plans, how they want their body disposed of.

• Vigil- serving during the active dying process. This is when the vigil plan is executed as much as possible (you can only plan for death so much, its unpredictable). This includes, if desired, sitting bedside as the person is making their transition. An important role in sitting vigil is advocating for the person's end of life wishes, someone to speak for their requests when they can no longer express themselves. This includes holding the space and maintaining a sacred environment where the death process can be honored and respected, as previously decided by the dying person.

• Post-death services: bereavement and grief support (I am not a therapist!). I can continue to work with the loved ones after the death has happened to help them process their experiences. This is emotional support, not counseling. This is a safe space to talk about death, express grief, and reflect on this life changing experience. A space to adjust to the new way of life moving forward now that everything has changed. Support from me as someone who has experienced deaths in their own family and knows the importance of having emotional support from someone who gets it and can walk alongside them through it. Reprocessing the death is important because it helps to gain an understanding of what life and death mean to them, helps to create meaning and move towards healing. I can also help to do legacy projects as a way for the person to be remembered and tell their story.

• Craniosacral therapy can be helpful at any time in someone’s life, but especially at the end of life. It can help bring comfort and ease stress. It helps to prepare the body to let go, can help make the dying process easier. Physical touch can be nurturing to someone who’s dying, and Craniosacral is so gentle that it can easily be used as a healing modality even as the body becomes fragile. It’s a great resource for the loved ones who may need help processing emotions, stress and grief. It’s important to feel all the emotions as they arise so that the body can let it go instead of hanging on to the pain. Craniosacral is a great way to hold space for this process and prevent complicated grief, ease stress, and help to adjust to all the changes that are happening. Craniosacral as a form of end of life and grief support.